Psalm 147:3 "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."
Right after my husband left in late December, a good friend of mine made me a few CDs. Songs of joy, prayers, love, devotionals and a few others.
The song linked above was on one of the CDs. To say that I have listened to this song a couple hundreds times might be an understatement. He sings these words, "And brokenhearted, do you want your healing? Oh trust again there is love in his right hand."
I've stated before, that I am finding it hard to find my place with God. All too often people (I include myself in the "people") don't pray unless they feel like they NEED something. "Dear God, please let me get that job." "Dear God, please let me win the lottery." We have to learn to seek GOD all the time. Not just when we are down and out. Not just when we feel like IF I JUST PRAY, I WILL GET WHAT I WANT.
I prayed for days, weeks, months, and even years that God would show me a way to be more faithful to him. To find a relationship with him. To stop being concerned about the ways of the world and just trust in my relationship with him. I wavered back and forth and took when he gave but never gave anything in return. I didn't read my Bible or go to church or lead any kind of Christian lifestyle. I didn't give thanks for the blessings that I did have. Sure, I would stop and say a little prayer for someone when they asked. Or pray tiny, as I like to say. Just tiny "hey God, can you help this person?" That's just simply not good enough.
When I met my husband, I knew that he grew up in a Christian home. I knew that he knew the teachings and had lived a life for the Lord at one time as well. I wanted to go to church with him. I asked him to go to church. I wanted US to go to church. But he always said NO. I struggled when I read 1 Peter 3:1 (NIV) "Wives, follow the lead of your husbands. Suppose some of them don't believe God's word. Then let them be won to Christ without words by seeing how their wives behave." I should have gone to church. Would he have followed? Even if he didn't, what would that have meant? Would it have changed anything?
It's a daily struggle to understand the end of my marriage. Not just how it ended but why. And what I do with that from this point forward. The following scripture is what I recite each day. Philippians 4:7. "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I know that I will not be brokenhearted forever. Right now it surely feels that way. I am picking up the pieces and gently laying them in the hands of the Lord for him to repair. There is a sign on my heart that reads, "Work in Progress, Heart Under Repair."
At the end of each day, I know that he loves me just because.
To further quote lyrics from the song linked:
He is proud of who you are
and he has faith in who you’ll become.
He’s not like us.
He loves you just because.
And brokenhearted,
do you want your healing?
Oh trust again there is love in his right hand.
I LOVE this song.
ReplyDeleteInteresting thing about prayer. I too for a long time was one who was compelled to pray when I was in need of something.
THen, years ago when I was teaching Sunday School to some 12 year olds, the following analogy came to mind (I must have learned it once before and had forgotten)
How would I feel if a friend that I had't talked to in years suddenly called out of the blue and asked a favor? WOuld I feel like helping?
The bottom line is to maintain a relationship with our God all the time. In good and bad so that when are prayers are a little more intense during the hard time, the relationship is already there.
I;ve never forgotten the feeling that came from that lesson