This Is What It's Like

On Friday night, I went to dinner with some great friends (Hi Teresa and Vera). When I arrived at Teresa's apartment, the song that was playing is the one that I linked above. Held by Natalie Grant. I've been singing since I was a little kid. I can remember singing in church, at camp meetings, on the side of the road by the Salvation Army for street meetings, and pretty much anywhere I could. Lately, I have been feeling a strong pull to find a praise and worship team to join and get back to sharing my gift of God with others. In the meantime, I will share my love of music and the songs I find that express how I feel.

I went to church yesterday morning. Yes, it was the first time I've have been in a few weeks. I was letting life get in the way of my attendance. I struggled with rushing home and getting ready and making it to the service on time, and each time I told myself, "you are going to be late", I kept hearing "better late than not at all". One of the first songs that the praise and worship team sang had the exact words that I posted about on Friday. MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS PERFECT IN WEAKNESS. Well then. I hear you God.

Today is my birthday. I am 37 years young. By this time, birthdays aren't quite the celebrations that they used to be. 37 is just an age. Not really a milestone. Just another year older. These days, life tends to be less about days and more about about dates and their significance or lack thereof.

This morning, I was thinking a little bit about the date of December 6th, 2010. That date isn't significant to any of you , but it is to me. December 6th is the day that my friend and ex Mother-In-Law told me that she had Breast Cancer. Moments later, sitting in a restaurant/bar at a bartop table for poker night, in the very restaurant that I met my husband at, playing poker, I would hear a few more words that would stop my life as I knew it. All I could think was "is this some kind of joke?" No. No, it wasn't. It's no secret to those that know me that these last few months since that date have been a struggle for me. Somedays I feel like December 6th is a lifetime ago. Other days, I feel like it was just yesterday. And I find myself sitting at that table, hearing those words all over again. Nahum 1:7 says "The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that in him." I've been in the Lord's strong hold for a few months now.

Yesterday at church, I felt his right hand. I felt him holding me. I felt him telling me that he was holding me. And for me to just let him hold me. To just be in his presence. ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10.

In the words of Natalie Grant as she sings the song linked above.

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held

When was the last time you let God hold you? Do you remember what it's like to be held?